I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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