the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
