Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
