Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
