But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
