Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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