i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
