His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
