well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
