Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
