We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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