nut hugger
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
