the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
