Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
