What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
bring money and cleavage
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
