I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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