wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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