you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
