he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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