He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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