pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
