he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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