that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do vagina's smell?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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