Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
