rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
