While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
