Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
