I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
