my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
