you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
