WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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