the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
