Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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