I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
