we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
