so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
