I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
