Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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