is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
