Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.â€
Randomize
