I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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