What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
