i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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