Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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