Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
