Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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