she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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