well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
