there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
