Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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