"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
