Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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