We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
