Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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